The last several weeks have been a challenge. It's funny, maybe sad in a kind of way. But it always seems like when life gets tough that's when you feel closest to Heaven. As most of you know Kaylie recently had to have spinal surgery to correct a significant curve in her back. The whole ordeal has been very difficult, but I have learned some valuable lessons from my loving Father in Heaven that I would like to share.
1. The power of prayer and fasting. When I first learned that Kaylie was going to have to have surgery. I couldn't bare the thought of it. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I was just sick! This is an ugly surgery. The doctor explained the risks. The biggest being that she could become paralyzed. They would be fusing her discs, making her spine one big inflexible bone. Not to mention that it was an incredibly painful procedure with a long recovery period. This is NOT what I wanted for my child. It was really hard to come to terms with it. But then people started praying for us. Our ward had a special fast for Kaylie. People were putting her name in the temple. And the peace, and courage, and strength followed. I have never been on the receiving end of such a monumental plea. I lack the vocabulary to describe it. It was incredible. I was blessed with the power and strength to carry this burden. I remember one afternoon talking with my Aunt Dianne. I was telling her how it was really bothering me that they were going to fuse Kaylie's back. I told her that Heavenly Father made our backs with discs, that give and move for a reason. I was so sad for Kaylie that they were going to do something that prevented that kind of movement. And my sweet Aunt Dianne said the most profound thing to me. She said, "But Heavenly Father made eyes, so that people can see. But there are those who are blind. And he made ears, so we could hear, but some are deaf." And I realized then. That this was Heavenly Fathers plan for Kaylie. It would be hard, but it would make her stronger and it would help her to become the person the Lord needs her to be. The weeks leading up to her surgery, I was still scared. Yet, I was at peace.
2. Our Savior won't leave us. As I have gone through life, there have been trials. And I think the most important lesson that I have learned from them is this, that I have a Savior, Jesus Christ, who loves me. One of my favorite quotes is from Neal A. Maxwell, "Jesus not only took upon Him our sins to atone for them, but also our sicknesses and aching griefs. Hence, He knows personally all that we pass through and how to extend His perfect mercy--as well as how to succor us. How deep that descent into despair and abysmal agony must have been! He did it to rescue us and in order to comprehend human suffering." No matter what it is I might be going through. Jesus can save me. And He knows what I am going through because he as been there. On the day of Kaylie's surgery, the recovery room was tough. I have never seen anyone in that much pain. Let alone my own, dear child. I didn't know what I could do for her. They had already pumped her full of so many strong drugs that she had nearly stopped breathing. I felt utterly helpless. Then I remembered what I had learned about my Savior. I leaned over and whispered in Kaylie's ear. "The part you can't bear. Give it to our Savior. Jesus will take that extra pain that's too much. He will bear it for you." Kaylie closed her eyes and prayed. Wow. To watch your child learn an eternal truth right before your eyes is a very humbling, gratifying experience. I know the Savior was with us in that recovery room. I could physically feel His love, and I know he took the part we could not bear.
3. Heavenly Father really, really loves us. I have always been in awe and incredibly grateful for what our Savior did for us. I know that I can not even begin to comprehend how much he suffered. But I never gave much thought to how much Father in Heaven went through, watching His Son suffer like that. Being a parent certainly brings it's lessons, but this was a big one. Watching Kaylie suffer has been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. There were a few times things got really bad and my thoughts always turned to our Father in Heaven. I have a new appreciation and understanding. How awful it must have been for Him to watch His dear perfect Son atone for all of us. He allowed it because He love us. He wants us to be happy. He sent His Son.
4.The Priesthood is the power of heaven on earth. There was one night in the hospital where Kaylie's pain skyrocketed out of control. I knew immediately that Kaylie needed a priesthood blessing. Of course, this was later at night and Mark had gone home. Now I've always had a testimony of the power of the priesthood, and always been incredibly grateful for it. But at the same time I think I have taken it for granted. I've always been blessed with a father, or a husband, or a neighbor, or someone near by who held the priesthood. Well, not on this night. We quickly went on a search through the hospital for two worthy brethren who held this power. I'm happy to say that they where found. As they laid their hands upon Kaylie's head, and in the name of Jesus Christ, and by the power of the Melchizedek priesthood blessed her that the pain might subside and she would be comforted. She immediately relaxed, the pain became tolerable, and she was able to sleep. The spirit in the room was tangible. I thanked those two dear brethren. As they went on their way, I thought about how grateful I was. That two strangers I'd never met, were living there lives in such a way that they could come to my daughters room and help alleviate her suffering. I pray that the brethren of the church realize the power that they hold and conduct their lives accordingly.
5. Trials make us better, more like our Savior. If someone had said to me three months ago, "Never mind, you don't have to go through this." I would have been so, very, profoundly relieved. But now, knowing what I've learned. I wouldn't want to give the experience back. I learned too many priceless lessons, that I don't think I could have learned any other way. The Sunday we were at Primary Children's we had a special opportunity to attend a Sacrament meeting that they hold there for families of children who are in the hospital. It was a very spiritual experience to be there with other parents of my faith, who had sick and suffering children. I think it's human nature to ask, "Why me? Why my child?" But no one was asking that question on that particular Sunday, in that particular place. The room was filled with people who's hearts were full of love, faith, and gratitude. We all knew we were not alone. We all knew that our particular circumstances were given to us to teach us and make us stronger. We were learning eternal truths. I don't think any one in that room would have traded places with anyone there, or not there. I think verse 5 from the hymn How Firm A Foundation says it best. "When through fiery trials they pathway shall lie. My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply. The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design... Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine." How thankful I am for a Father in Heaven who loves me and knows me. And for the trials he sends my way so that I might become better, stronger and more like His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ.
Meghan was baptized Saturday, October 24, 2009. It was a beautiful fall day, and Meghan looked like a sweet little angel all dressed in white. Her Daddy baptized her and confirmed her a member of The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints. Her Grandma Brunsdale spoke on baptism and her Grandma Daniels spoke on the Holy Ghost. That was pretty special to get to hear their personal experiences that they had had with each, and have them share their testimonies with Meghan. We are so happy that she has made the decision to follow Jesus and we know it will bring her much happiness. It was a beautiful, spiritual, peaceful day.
